Oh, the fear of failing, how we elegantly dance, like a spicy tango or a formal dance under the shining moonlight in a glorious ballroom. It’s a relationship that is filled with treacherous heartbreak but propitious self-love and growth that is oh so tedious.

How can something like the fear of failure be so appealing if it’s only seen negatively?

I remember when all I would experience was failure, no matter how hard I would try to prove myself. When you add procrastination to the already crippling effect of failure, the only perspective that seemed true was the negative outcomes of every situation.

If I could describe this feeling, it’s like a shadowy figure in the silhouette of my self-image. It’s breathing down my neck as if it’s ready to ask more questions that feel like steel chains wrapping around my body, slowly pulling into the deepest and darkest abyss of self-hatred and negative thoughts. I yearned for a chance to breathe and feel free of my sins again.

You don’t have to feel this way.

This is how I felt during and even before my collegiate studies. I felt as if I could never get away from this nightmare. It wasn’t just my academic studies that struggled but also my relationships. Whether through friends, family or prospective partners, I didn’t realize just how hurtful and cold I had become as a person. The only thing I could agree with was my reasoning.

“Who cares, I don’t need friends. I don’t need anyone.”

Oh, I wish I could tell myself that everything would be okay and that everything would work out. I wish I had the empathy I have now. I wish my perspective was more positive. I wish I realized just how important failure was to my own personal and self-growth. I still struggle with the fear of being a failure. But, if I had not failed, when would I have changed my perspective on the only life I have? Would I still be on the current path that I am happiest with? Would I still be cold and apathetic?

Failing and being a failure is often misconstrued and meshed to mean the same thing. They sound the same but have entirely different meanings. Ask yourself these questions when you feel this way:

“How can I learn from this mistake and grow as a person?”

“What are some of the positives of this experience?”

“Is this the end of my life or did this divert me from the path that I am passionate about?”

Failure never feels good when it happens, but it’s how you manage it, grow with it and learn to live with it that makes the difference. It can only be a negative experience if you view it as such, instead don’t always search for the negatives but search for the positives.